Sex and the Single Avatar

25Sep06

Sex is much the same in Second Life as in real life, there’s plenty of talk, and I’m sure plenty of action, but not much finesse.

Just like in RL, most of the straightforward types of ‘lover’ are quite easy to categorise..

  • The Adolescent: Usually start of with ‘wanna fuk?’ and then run off.. I only mention these because they’re so irritating.. I suspect they are under 18 or have just hit 18 and think they’re being sophisticated! Some of them are so young that if you fancy being mischievous, say ‘ok’ to their proposition and watch them vanish! They also usually think that they’re being soooo adult when they tell you they can see up your skirt… I’m really glad I’ll never be an adolescent again… ugh! Telling them to grow up makes them behave a little better and will usually elicit an apology.
  • The Gender Bender: Usually males pretending to be female, or gay men trying out the straight thing. They look reasonably like the gender they’re trying to be, but seem to always be wearing something outrageous or unnatural. Can usually tell after you’ve shown an interest and they then stop being so upfront. Suddenly they can’t remember how to use poseballs, stop being so attentive, and if you do get them into a position where it’s time to get down and dirty, either they clam up completely, or will try to get you to describe what you are doing to yourself (suppose it gives them a script to work with next time).. Only recommended if you really, really must – or if you feel like doing a public service…
  • The Sad Inadequate: These are the ones who only really adventure in cyberspace. If you haven’t recognised them before you get intimate, you will as soon as you start…the positions they describe are straight out of a porn movie and of course they forget that there are two in the game, so whilst they may remember where to put their dick, they have no idea what they should be doing with their hands.. or anything else… They will also tell you exactly what you should be feeling as they describe an action – oddly enough ‘bored’ never seems to rate a mention! And of course there’s the ‘dirty talk’… I can forgive the crime of lack of experience in RL, but what I find truly unforgivable is the constant need for re-assurance that they really are a stud and that convenient habit of the ‘lost connection’ as they get to the stage that they can’t even type one handed anymore… Usually come packing Xcite genitals. If they do stick around afterwards they will want lots of reassurance that you think they are as good as they think they are. BTW, if you recognise yourself in this description, please try to remember that telling your intended partner that you have your pants off is probably not a good way to start the fun! I found that my vision of a guy sitting in a typist chair at his PC, in a t-shirt, with his pants around his ankles and holding his dick to be a real passion killer. I suppose I could just be extraordinarily fussy…
  • Mr ‘I have a script and I’m not afraid to use it’: Bog standard script but at least it will try to include pleasuring you, not a lot of imagination. He’ll usually stay around until you’ve gone through the motions of avatar orgasm.. Just the normal kind of guy.. except he won’t fall asleep on you 2 minutes after the end.. but you’ll probably end up sitting alone within 5 minutes, wondering if it was really worth all that typing.
  • The Seducer: Very rare beast – always worth a try. If the seduction is straight out of ‘1001 chat up lines’ be warned and see the ‘Sad Inadequate’ point above. However, if the seduction is leisurely and creeps up on you – say yes and enjoy thoroughly… *grin*

I may have missed a few here – remember I’ve only had 3 weeks to explore the types of ‘lover’ in SL.. and I’ve avoided all the flavours of sex in SL – gay, furry, cartoon characters, into BDSM, golden showers or any of the hundreds of other twists that go to make up the full range of sexual experience in SL.

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